Tell her:
If she asks you for something let her know within 24 hours whether or not you can
It took all she had to ask you
Every need is urgent she is not being dramatic
She does not need you to fix her. She just needs to speak. She has hidden her voice for years to stay safe, be glad she is using it again. Respect the fact she chose you to share with .
You know what her abuser wanted the world to know. Listen to her to find out what was really going on.
If all she can eat is pop tarts or reese's pieces it is because she in shock. She is a grown woman, fed a family for years and knows her diet needs work, but right now it is all she can do.
If the abuser was removed form the marital residence she may need: Lawn mowing, power washing, snow shoveling, gutter repair, furnace repair, plumbing, roof work, etc.
The rule of thumb is: if it can break, now is when it will! She is either getting a house ready to be sold or ending a lease and will need help while she deals with legal matters
Frequent gas cards. She has to maintain a full tank in the event she needs to be on the run. She will also likely be living farther away to remain safe thus using more fuel than usual. Having a gas card keeps her location private.
Offer to wash her car or allow her to use your driveway and water to do so. Her car may be all she has left.
Help with tires, car batteries, key fob batteries.
All of these are important to be able to escape an abuser.
Invite the police to use the church parking lot to host a car seat check and bike safety night.
While she is there if the church owns a scanner, check for tracking devices to verify she is not being stalked.
This is also a good time to provide flashlights, pepper spray and safety whistles.
Teach kids the police are there to help and to call 911 if they need help.
Help with her storage unit fees.
Offer a dry place in your house to store her belongings.
If you have a unit partially full offer her some of the space for her legal documents.
Make sure she can access it anytime with privacy.
She may need to move many times and even change storage units if her abuser finds out where she is. Remember he seeks to destroy what she values most.
If you know of a good mover offer to pay for them or help her move or rent a truck.
Offer packing tape, bubble wrap storage totes and packing paper.
Help her pack her belongings or repack if she had to leave in hurry.
Offer to take what she gives you to keep or donate. Do NOT judge her for discarding things that you may think are worth saving. Items can be reminders of fights and abuser.
Remind her God will provide all she needs for a new life. It is okay to let go.
Her pets have experienced abuse too.
Now that she has moving and legal expenses, she will need help with vet bills and pet supplies.
If she had to move fast, she may need pet beds, leashes, food bowls and toys. Help her find a new home for them if needed whether permanent or temporary.
Offer vet, grooming and boarding expenses
if needed.
Offer to watch the pet while she is in court. A tired pet when she returns is a huge relief.
On a monthly basis check her phone for tracking APPS
Offer to add a phone to your plan so she cannot be reached by her abuser.
She may need a new laptop to begin a new career. She will be on the computer a lot for legal proceedings. She will also need a decent printer, ink and lots of paper.
Offer her a mobile hot spot that her abuser cannot access.
Offer to help her find a therapist. Offer to help pay for therapy. She will need it at least eighteen months and likely a minimum of six months post divorce.
Learn her food favorites. Send her an insta cart order once in awhile. Offer to be a steady supplier the first week of the month for six months.
Gift cards for the pharmacy help too. Under so much stress she and her kids are bound to be more susceptible to getting sick.
Also help with routine prescriptions.
Offer to drive her to court. Offer to pay for a Lyft or Uber. Her abuser will know where she is on those days. Having a witness and not having to drive will be helpful.
Make the same offer for doctor's appointments. The abuser knows where her doctors are and the frequency of her visits.
Offer to be her emergency contact. Offer to be the back up person at her kids' school. If you are make sure you carry copies of protective orders as well.
Have you phone ready to record. Do not dismiss the abuser's attempts to get to her through you .
Zelles, Venmos, Paypal payments, cash when you see her are very uplifting and signs the Lord is taking care of her.
Prior to her exit, when she reports she is leaving, start to stockpile gift cards for her, She will need these.
Trust God's timing to let you know when and the amounts.
Offer to pay for routine cleanings
Suggest a different dentist as her abuser may use the same one
It is a trend that abusers refuse their victims good dental care, so catching up on this is a reminder of her value.
Resources in some agencies just equate to rejection. There is just not enough to go around.
Follow up with her and make sure her needs are being met.
Follow up means she is in God's favor.
Help her budget this chaotic moment of her life. Support and encourage and help her to know this is temporary. Working with her will help her minimize the financial impact this has on her long term.
Encourage her to embrace new traditions and make new memories.
Honor her if she needs ot lay low the first season or two. God does a lot of resetting during those early times.
Track her progress and reflect it back to her.
write down what her abuser says and does and record it if you can. This may help her in court. This lets her know she is not battling this alone.